DEALING WITH A DIFFICULT CHILD(APPARENTLY DIFFICULT)
Most parents often complain about their children as being inconsiderate, often belligerent, rebellious, non-cooperative, stubborn, recalcitrant, or sometimes taciturn….or its as if the child is insensitive or callous to the emotions of the parents and is only selfishly concerned about their own welfare or desires….despite all the cajoling and persuasion by their respective parents to mend their ways..
All this sounds familiar right?!? It may sound familiar, often it’s a fact in most households today, only exacerbated by the modern, nuclear setup..the truth of the matter is quite different from the perception of most parents of these kids..the truth is no child comes into this world deliberately wanting to be difficult and to be a pain to his/her parents, or for that matter to anybody else..
Its against our fundamental nature to be aggressive, belligerent or difficult. The innate nature of the inner self of each one of us is unshakeable peace, unconditional love, and perpetual bliss…it’s the truth. Nobody put these attributes into the human soul, and is not imbibed from anywhere..this is the primodial nature of the human soul the beauty of our being, which is always there and always will be..its eternal.
This being the truth, so why is any child a trouble maker or a rebel? Every human has an unique and an intricate system of latent emotions, thoughts, feelings, which each one carries from many births…these emotions, form the basis of the temperament, and aptitude of the growing child.
And having spoken of the human soul…I must mention that its very fabric, essence and life…is love. Its created, preserved, sustained and enriched only by LOVE…this is also true..and theres no exception to this fundamental truth.
So when a child appears to be difficult or aggressive, its time for the parents to become more conscious and aware…rather than disappointed or exasperated..any and every expression of anger, rage, violence, non-cooperation from a child is nothing but an expression of the lacunae that the child experiences on a regular basis. they may not express it at all, or have extremely strange and difficult ways to express it, by arrogance, stubborness, voilent fits of rage, temper, outbursts, showdown…all these are external indications of a simmering flame of discontentment deep within, or some need that has been left unattended. This has to be picked up by the parent! This is the key! Once a parent becomes alert and attentive and employs the absolute purity of his or her attention on her child and listens from the heart, not criticising, evaluating or judjing the child, based on various parameters or social protocol…then this art of inner listening becomes relatively easy and the parent is able to clearly see and understand why the child is behaving the way he/she is..and make the necessary amends..
Again making amends, once the feeling has been identified is also quite tricky. Because the parent cannot directly address the issue with the child. This may cause anger, downright denial or rejection..so a parent once identified with the cause and to consistently and regularly make the appropriate changes in their behaviour, interactions and in their day to day conversations, in such a manner so that the underlying need/discontentment or hankering slowly disspates and is reinstated with love, and feeling of affection, warmth and security..then a sense of belonging begins to blossom which slowly when nutured blooms into a beautiful relationship between parent and child…this is most precious!