BE MORE THAN “PAPA THE PROVIDER”
It is an inherent tendency in humans, to attribute reasons, pre-requisites and conditions for the experience of happiness and joy, and more often than not these conditions are possession of material things/acquisitions or wealth. This belief system rules our society and we are deeply conditioned, so to say limited by it.
In a world defined by the precincts of power, recognition and wealth, it is normal to believe that adequate if not a great deal of material acquisition results in happiness and well being. But a child comes into this world totally unaware of this fact. It is unaware not because it is ill coped to deal with life ahead of it, or GOD has not prepared it well to adopt to the laws of phenomenal existence. It is unaware because, deep within the child knows this existential truth that , acquisition of great amounts of possessions or wealth is not intregal to happiness or authentic joy. That’s why it comes into this world, replete with bliss and ecstacy. It is joy personified, to the brim. Such a complete expression of life, comes to us in the form of a baby..
When this precious gift arrives, it arrives in all its spiritual pomp, splendour and grandeur intact. It doesn’t require anything from the outside for him/her to feel more special or joyous. The only thing it truly requires, that can foster and nuture the life within, is LOVE and the purity of your attention. Its as simple and significant as that.
Now, when this jewel arrives, its absolutely normal for parents to feel elated and overjoyed..yes, of course! But when expressing this joy as parents we must realise that there are much better ways of having the child feel loved and cared for than just showering them with material gifts. Here, I want to categorically state that theres nothing wrong with buying playthings, gifts or clothes for the child..these things, indulged in moderation does fulfill the basic requirements of the child..but here its very important for the parent to realise that these things by itself alone do not bring happiness, joy or a sense of belonging..
And its at this junction that the role of a father becomes significant. I specifically mention the father here, because normally when the child is born, the mother by the work of nature already has the deepest most intimate and indispensable connection with the child, and relating to the child, and loving it the way only a mother can, comes naturally to her. But the father, normally speaking is far removed from this feeling, and has to consciously initiate the process to bond with the child. And most fathers are so eager to. But what they normally start doing to express their feelings, and to set the ball rolling is, start buying playthings, toys, gifts and other stuff for the child. As mostly work and worldy pursuits keeps them fairly busy and preoccupied, the only way they feel they can bond with the child is to buy stuff for the child or the mother..its more likely than not, that the father is so busy with his work, career, and other worldy activities that he has very little energy or space to spend quality time with the child..as a result of which he feels guilty deep within…and what he does to wipe off this guilt , head to a shop and buy something more grand and pretty for his child..he wraps it beautifully and carries it home, building expectations..and when the child is overjoyed to see him back home, squeals with joy or crawls towards him, he immediately shows this bright and attractive gift box to the child and exclaims” look what daddy bought for my little angel!?!?:))…the child at first kinda ignores it and wants to get closer to him, give him that gooey kiss or play with his nose…that’s when he says that again- “ look what daddy bought for my sweetheart?!?) …this is when the child gets curious, and he frantically begins to open the wrapper and box and unveils, much to the childs surprise, a new, bigger, more colourful toy! And no sooner than the child begins to examine it, he immediately quips “ now papa shall take away your old rattlers, and you can play with this beautiful new toy!”…saying so, he collects the old toy, plants a kiss on her forhead, loosens his tie…and walks away feeling lighter…the guilt has kinda subsided, he feels good about himself…he thinks that this gift has redeemed him.
But, it has not contributed significantly to the growing process of the child, and the child is left wanting..this in due course of time does persuade the child to believe in this huge misconception that the only way to experiencing happiness ( albeit transient and fleeting) is acquiring and possessing more and more material objects/gifts..and when this exhilaration begins to fade away, which it does very soon, be left with a serrious sense of lack and insufficiency, because the basic fundamental desire of wanting to be loved, cared for and appreciated was not fulfilled in the first place. The demonstration of love, warmth and affection from the parent of the opposite sex was missing…this does cause a huge impact on the psyche of the child and can become one of the most potential reasons for psychological imbalances, suppressed emotions of fear, anger…and other negative thought patterns which can be self destructive for your child…so, please don’t wait for the moment to arrive…go on, give your child this big tight daddy bear hug…and create the moment yourself!!:)