What Should I Do About Parents & In Laws Expectations?


Your parents and in-laws are important people to you and your spouse. It is not easy to deal with your needs and the needs of a new family. However, having a harmonious family relationship is not far from happening. You just need to put an effort in order to achieve it.  It is something that will greatly benefit you and your partner’s life.

Here are some ways of dealing with your parents and in-laws’ expectations:

Working Together with Your Partner

This is the key rule in dealing with your parents and in-laws. It all begins with talking through it with your spouse because you are not alone in doing this. You should also remember not to let your spouse feel that she has to choose between you and a family member. In doing so, you are going to make the situation much more complicated.

You can try to understand your parents and in-laws more by trying to bond with them and supporting the relationship, especially now that you and your spouse are expecting. Although it is very difficult, you have to constantly remind yourself that they are your child-to-be and partner’s family.

Creating and Enforcing Limits and Boundaries

Deciding on matters regarding your baby or lending money to in-laws should be done together with your partner. When you know how to work together, you can set your family values. From this, you can communicate these values to your parents and your partner’s parents. Do not make promises that you know you cannot keep just to please them and their expectations. This will rarely solve the problem.

You also need to be firm when setting limits to your parents and in-laws. If you do not want them to do a surprise visit to your house or suddenly ask your pregnant wife to accompany them, you need to tell them that they need to inform you or your spouse first before dropping by.

Talking to the Direct Person Involved

As much as possible, if you have a problem with or difficulty reaching the expectation of any family member, do not communicate to a third party. For instance, do not ask your partner to talk to her mother about something that she did that offended you, especially if it concerns your child. You ought to talk to your mother-in-law directly. Please bear in mind that you are not only doing this for your partner but as well as for the welfare of your baby.

Basically, whether it is a serious problem or a simple misunderstanding, it will be better to address it the soonest possible.

Being Mature

No doubt that you love your parents and in-laws. Nevertheless, there will be times that it is hard to do so due to their expectations. In this situation, you need to think differently. It means you may have to give in at times and negotiate with them. You can do this by trying to view the situation in their viewpoint. By doing this, you will be less stressed and everyone will be happier.

Knowing Yourself

According to Shakespeare, do not try to make yourself into someone your in-laws or parents want. You have no obligation to be someone they want you to be. However, do not try to completely ignore what they say. It is best to explain to them that their particular expectation of you as a spouse to their daughter and as a father to their grandchild is not something you are comfortable with.

Being Kind

In any situation, this method is effective. You should try not to say something bad or negative though you feel the need for doing so. If it really is difficult to say something nice, just keep your mouth shut and smile. Being level headed is the best thing you can do when dealing with expectations that you think are unbelievable. You do not want your child to grow up with a family full of problems and backstabbing. If you have misunderstandings, the best solution is to be kind and deal with them positively.


Finally, there are various ways to work out the expectations of your parents and in-laws. This is a common problem, but do not assume that every parent and in-law relationship is like this. With understanding and compassion, it will be easy to follow the methods given.